Heofon only knows

Sometimes, students’ exam mistakes bring you up short, when you realize that you really haven’t taught something very clearly. Sometimes they give you pause, have you re-consider the rationale for a particular lecture, the coherence of a certain argument. And sometimes the mistakes reflect a breathtaking egregiosity—my breath, their stupidity—that leaves you wondering whether they are thinking at all, and if so, what about (since it is evidently not the exam question in front of them.)

Take yesterday’s History of English exam, for…instance. (Or, on second thoughts, don’t—if you haven’t attended the course). It was meant to be an easy test, allowing for the fact that the course is open to all years, including freshmen, whose English (of any period) is sorely tested. Question 3 presented these students with an alphabetical list of 10 Old English words, and asked them to supply the Present Day English (PDE) equivalents. The set included hūs, land, līf, oðer…and heofon (for which the correct answers are house, land, life, other…and?). Now, it should be borne in mind that we had just spent the last fifteen weeks discussing the internal and external history of the English language between 449AD/CE and 1066AD/CE, during which time (the 15 weeks, not 600 years) we had not only mentioned various vowel and consonant changes, but also the culture and technology of the period (the 600 years, not 15 weeks).

The most popular answer for heofon was earphone, followed closely by headphone and cellphone. (Only three out of ninety-one answered correctly.)

Jesus, wherever he might be, wept. Sothlice.

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